Today’s guest post is by Loki, the Norse god of lies.

Well, well, well – I doubt that even Odin could have foreseen the day when the mischief of Loki would be shamed by the scope of mortal trickery. Truly, people of Midgard, thou hast taught me the true meaning of deceit and deception. I have witnessed the ways in which you convince yourselves that meat & dairy foodstuffs do not originate from soulful creatures – creatures that like you have two eyes and a heart. These illusions you choose to believe are more powerful than any spell I could ever hope to weave.
Observe: an amusing “viral video” appeared upon your “worldwide web” this past week. It was a lark, a trifle – but it served to illustrate the heights to which you have fooled yourselves about the origin of foods you consume. Sadly, my Asgardian powers do not include the ability to translate Portuguese, but you’ll get the gist of it.

Verily, my knee glows red from the vigorous slapping that video segment did bring about. It begs the question, did any of the shoppers then go on to eat any pork products later that day? That week, that month? What is the expiration date for such sudden indignation?
But lo, the online world had another lesson for me – this time in regards to bovine milk. It appears that the California Milk Processor Board would have you believe that drinking almond milk, soy milk, or coconut milk is akin to communing with Surtur. If this musing is the worst they can conjure up about alternative milks, then their argument is surely desperate.
Got production values?

By the gaze of Heimdall, don’t make me shake my beverage container one more time! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!! You people of Earth really are most bewildering. I must learn how it is that you can remember such trivia to concern yourselves with, while at the same time you are able to unknow the loss of life that fills a T.G.I.Friday’s menu. With that power, I could conquer Thor himself!